The end

For my few dedicated readers who think I have written enough mushy articles about my love affair with Elton, I promise that this will be my last post about him!

It was a pleasant evening, but the occasion was anything but pleasant. Both of us knew it was coming, the end was near. I tried to put it off for long as I could, hoping.....hoping that "happily ever afters" were not a myth....hoping that magic wands could make it alright. But the hope died, slowly. I don't know how Elton dealt with it. I can only imagine that it was as painful for him as it was for me. I wonder sometimes, did he wait for me everyday? Did he look longingly at the door every time it opened? Did he hope that one day I would fall into his arms and the pain would disappear?

It was a pleasant evening, the evening I went to meet him for one last time. We did not talk, did not exchange pleasantries. One look and we both knew it was over. Without a word, he came with me. We walked back to my house. It was a 10 minute walk but seemed like an eternity. There seemed so many things I wanted to tell him, but I found no words. He walked beside me, silent and strong, accepting the inevitable. Occasionally we looked at each other and it brought a fresh wave of pain. I thought I had prepared myself for this, I thought I would be able to look at it objectively, savour the memories and move on. But I was unprepared for those 10 minutes with him. The carefully built walls crumbled with the force of the emotions and I was left vulnerable and defenseless. Did he see it in my eyes? Did he hear my laboured breathing?

It was a pleasant evening and my roommates seemed to be in good spirits when we reached my apartment. He came in and sat beside me. After a moment of indecision, I knew we had to talk, one of us had to say it. If the walk had been painful, the conversation was a brush with hell. Memories flooded my mind, the gestures, the voice, the innumerable conversations we had had in the same place, with him sitting right across me. The intense feeling of familiarity almost choked me. Perhaps Elton felt the same. He seemed in control on the surface, but he had to be. We didn't say goodbye, atleast not with words, but it was hovering in the air as we parted. I am with Vince now. I like him and I am comfortable with life. But I know that nothing can even hold a candle to what Elton and I shared. Sometimes, when I let my mind drift, I still feel his presence around me and an imagined warmth envelopes me in its comforting shrouds. In my weak moments, I mentally scream at the world, demanding an explanation for this misery. Why, oh why?

After rereading my post, I realized that I could give Danielle Steele a run for her money!!