The parting.

I remember the last time I looked at him. I remember the last time I touched him, his warmth enveloping me at the mere touch, as he sat close to me. We stole a few moments with each other before the inevitable. And then I watched the distance between us grow as I walked away from him. The same thought probably ran through both our minds, "How long is this separation going to last?". It almost tore me to pieces to think that he might not be back, atleast not the same as before. But I knew I had to do it.

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." I believe in our love, so strongly, and I cling to the hope that he will come back to me, safe and sound. Yet, I fear this separation. I know I have not been as good to him as he deserved. He silently bore everything, my tantrums, my insecurities, my lack of faith. He didnt protest even when I took him for granted. Sometimes, when I reflect on our relationship, I wonder if this separation was a result of my mistakes. During these times, I imagine him meeting someone else, someone better than me, someone who can make him happier than I ever could and it drives me to despair. I never realized how insecure I was until I fell in love. Funny, but love teaches one so much about oneself! I say a silent prayer for his safe return and vow to make the rest of our lives the best that it can ever be.

It was only two weeks back that he left, but it seems like two years ago. I wake up every morning only to realize that he is not with me and that I cant even talk to him. The couch seems bare without his presence. I call every once in a while, hoping to hear something from him. My heart leaps at the prospect of knowing when this wait would end but promptly sinks to my feet when I am politely told that it will take more time. I spend more time with my friends, to forget the pain and longing. I laugh and smile and join in the merry making, knowing fully well that none of my friends will ever know what I am going through. Only Brendon knows because he is my best friend and agony uncle! He tries his best to comfort me and cheer me up. Cribbing helps, but I am just incomplete without my love.

I try to remember how life was before I met him. The memories are vivid, but they feel strange. I seemed to have been a completely different person then. I was a cynic and proud to be one too! He changed me. He taught me to hope and believe. He taught me the power of faith and trust. He opened a window to a wonderful world everytime I was with him, a world where only he and I existed. I now know that whatever happens in the future, I will always be grateful to him for helping me understand myself, for showing me what I am really capable of and for making me realize the kind of person that I wanted to be.

I miss Elton so very much! But I wait patiently for his return from the service centre.